You Won’t Believe These Amazing Things I Did in 2015!!

Well, it’s that time again. Another year has flown by, and the end of 2015 is upon us. So, let’s take a look at all the fantastic things I accomplished over the past 365 years.
  1. Created my first (and last) clickbait headline (see above).
  2. Successfully consumed at least 550 liters of pure oxygen.
  3. Passed my own personal record for most consecutive days alive.
  4. Covered self with dangerous dihydrogen monoxide on multiple occasions and lived to tell about it.
  5. Managed to avoid gaining any weight, which could be very surprising news to anyone who is aware of my love for cookies.
  6. Did not kill father or sleep with mother.
  7. In March, I successfully avoided burning my house down even AFTER I found a spider within.
  8. Held a newborn infant without dropping it. BONUS: Child’s parents did not call the police.
  9. Successfully avoided becoming any shorter.
  10. Recirculated at least a gallon of blood constantly for an entire year.
So, let’s all take a minute, raise a glass, and congratulate ourselves on for making it through the year more or less intact. Cheers!
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